sz3rorevan117: Lucifer from Supernatural (Default)

I've felt darkness
closing in on me
Chilling shadows
surrounding me
I've had the poison
leak into my skin
And it corroded
my heart away
Bled away
Cut away
Dark night of my soul...

This is how I have been feeling lately. It's a darkness that is closing in. My light seems to be getting smaller with each passing day. I thought I would have found another job by now, I thought my bf would have found a better job than his current one. I thought we'd be saving money for our future. At this point in time in my life nothing is going right. It's the dark tunnel that is closing in and seeming into my soul.

My bills are getting paid by my boyfriend. He's officially out of money, next month I have only enough money to pay my car payment. I have a $160 cell phone bill and $150 car insurance bill. I also have credit cards collecting late fees each month. I don't know what to do about this. Jobs here in my area are obviously scarce... I normally am good at finding another job rather quickly. Not this time.

I went 4 weeks without being put on the schedule at my current job, GameStop. This is the first week since then that I am put on the schedule and the total amount of hours for the week I received is 3.5hrs. I can't live anymore. I have become desperate and starting looking at jobs that about an hour away thinking maybe I can find something that will pay enough to cover the cost of driving. No luck yet.

I am in the darkness.... and it is just getting darker.
I want to cry but I can't
sz3rorevan117: Lucifer from Supernatural (Default)

Here are the pics of my new hair cut.

 photo PhotoGrid_1398545066789_zpsjxhj8yhn.jpg  photo IMG_20140427_022720_zps3ctdrnzh.jpg new hair photo newhair_zps45fabefc.jpg

I love it!! :D
I am so happy with it. It is still hard to get used to not having almost no hair. Although, it is fun to play with. I like that I can put my hood up on my hoodie and not have to fuss with all my hair. It's almost a relief to be rid of all that thick hair.

I have been applying for full-time jobs with no luck. I All day practically I have been doing this online and it is very tedious. I am either not qualified or I can't do what they need of me. Like lift 168lbs on a daily basis... who in their right mind would even want to!? Regardless, I am having trouble and it is getting down to the wire where I won't have anymore money to pay my bills. I am going broke and severely fast. I can't even buy some supplies for shirts I am supposed to be making for another business I am working with (which I would make money from). I just can't win! I just don't know what to do anymore.

Youngstown, OH is officially a pit that sucks you in and never spits you back out. I don't know if I can crawl back out like the last few times I have and was lucky in finding a new job. This time I think I might be fucked. Please wish me luck... whoever decides to read this anyway. :/

sz3rorevan117: Lucifer from Supernatural (Default)
Ya know... Whenever I stay up late I either get super excited about the random things I find on the interwebs or I end up spiraling downward into this abyss of despair in which is kinda hard to pull myself out of. I started my exciting journey finding all sorts of amazing Teen Wolf fanart on DA, some of which were undownloadable because they are a bunch of poops and don't want you to re-post in anywhere. -_- But I still have a bunch, there may be some where they said no but.... I don't read everything so whatever.

Anyhow, I am now in the depressive state where I feel life is going nowhere fast. I am pretty much fucking jobless. I was NOT put on the schedule this week, what fucking business does that!? I was going on 3.5-4 hour weeks and making $60 paychecks. So this paycheck will be about that but since I am not working this week my next paycheck will be a god damn $30 IF I work next week. This is all on an IF I work next week.

I have about $500 dollars in bills. I can't afford this shit anymore. My bf is covering most of them but he has two more weeks of college (semester) he works at the school and is not getting hours over the summer. So this means both of us will be fucked! So I literally have 2 god damn weeks to find a fucking job!!! (sorry about language, I feel I have a right though)

I don't know what to do. This has probably never happened. Normally one of us is making money.

[my cat distracted me, my thought process just got fucked]

Anyway, I am just upset at the situation and I wish... I wish, I could snap my fingers and fix it. Oh, not to mention my debt is so severe this isn't helping matters.

Whatever. I should sleep. My friend is coming over tomorrow and she's good at cheering me up, well my boyfriend is too but... he's asleep haha! I'll probably get some cuddles though when I crawl in bed next to his warm body. :P

Ok, sorry I am getting graphic now. *blush*
Night Ya'll


sz3rorevan117: Lucifer from Supernatural (Default)

June 2014

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