sz3rorevan117: Lucifer from Supernatural (Default)
It has been tough dealing with PCOS. I finally was able to start birth control and have been on it for a month. It seems to be working. Slowly but it's showing signs of improvement. The hardest thing for me is the weight loss. I am alone in this battle. No one in my family is helping, they continue to buy junk food which is my biggest down fall. I hate that no one is really being supportive.... well verbally maybe but showing it as in NOT BUY JUNK FOOD!!!! they're not. It's annoying, I mean if they are going to buy that shit hide it from me.

I am like a fucking vacuum when it comes to that kind of food. I seek it out, find it, eat it... eat it all!!! :P Anyway, that is what I am having trouble with. Exercise is tough too. I have done it twice this week. I need to keep up with it and not stray away.

All I can say is I am trying. It's hard but I am trying. I just wish I had someone to do this with it is twice as hard alone.


Tomorrow, I am going to a job fair. Hope I find something there. I had an electronic interview today so idk how that will work out. We'll see. I hope someone comes along, Fulltime please!
sz3rorevan117: Lucifer from Supernatural (Default)

I've felt darkness
closing in on me
Chilling shadows
surrounding me
I've had the poison
leak into my skin
And it corroded
my heart away
Bled away
Cut away
Dark night of my soul...

This is how I have been feeling lately. It's a darkness that is closing in. My light seems to be getting smaller with each passing day. I thought I would have found another job by now, I thought my bf would have found a better job than his current one. I thought we'd be saving money for our future. At this point in time in my life nothing is going right. It's the dark tunnel that is closing in and seeming into my soul.

My bills are getting paid by my boyfriend. He's officially out of money, next month I have only enough money to pay my car payment. I have a $160 cell phone bill and $150 car insurance bill. I also have credit cards collecting late fees each month. I don't know what to do about this. Jobs here in my area are obviously scarce... I normally am good at finding another job rather quickly. Not this time.

I went 4 weeks without being put on the schedule at my current job, GameStop. This is the first week since then that I am put on the schedule and the total amount of hours for the week I received is 3.5hrs. I can't live anymore. I have become desperate and starting looking at jobs that about an hour away thinking maybe I can find something that will pay enough to cover the cost of driving. No luck yet.

I am in the darkness.... and it is just getting darker.
I want to cry but I can't
sz3rorevan117: Lucifer from Supernatural (Default)

Here are the pics of my new hair cut.

 photo PhotoGrid_1398545066789_zpsjxhj8yhn.jpg  photo IMG_20140427_022720_zps3ctdrnzh.jpg new hair photo newhair_zps45fabefc.jpg

I love it!! :D
I am so happy with it. It is still hard to get used to not having almost no hair. Although, it is fun to play with. I like that I can put my hood up on my hoodie and not have to fuss with all my hair. It's almost a relief to be rid of all that thick hair.

I have been applying for full-time jobs with no luck. I All day practically I have been doing this online and it is very tedious. I am either not qualified or I can't do what they need of me. Like lift 168lbs on a daily basis... who in their right mind would even want to!? Regardless, I am having trouble and it is getting down to the wire where I won't have anymore money to pay my bills. I am going broke and severely fast. I can't even buy some supplies for shirts I am supposed to be making for another business I am working with (which I would make money from). I just can't win! I just don't know what to do anymore.

Youngstown, OH is officially a pit that sucks you in and never spits you back out. I don't know if I can crawl back out like the last few times I have and was lucky in finding a new job. This time I think I might be fucked. Please wish me luck... whoever decides to read this anyway. :/

sz3rorevan117: Lucifer from Supernatural (Default)
Well, I have long hair and I read an article by Cosmo, yeah I know cosmo sucks, but it was actually very enlightening. It said every girl should cut their hair really short at least once in their life. One of the main reasons I am so drawn to doing this is because the style they kept referring to is called the Chelsea cut (my name) so I can't help but think it's destiny. Also, there has been a lot going on in my life so I feel change is good. I am due for something new and for new beginnings. I have had a lot of downfalls with my crappy job, medical issues, and debt/bills. So I need to stay positive and trying and make these changes and find the light at the end of the tunnel. I think this hair cut is part of it. Not like I have the money to afford it but I just am drawn to it and want to do it.

There is some positive things going on in my life. I've sold my handcrafted jewelry and I am making t-shirts for a business I am working with. So it's going good for me in the art department but it's not good enough. I need to make more money than I am. All I can do is perseve and try harder. Life will go on and I will just get stronger and become a better person.


My Hair style I want to get. Pics below.
 photo 207738_1723432763953_536790_n_zpsud1gdczz.jpg  photo Short-lilac-hair_zps76gnwwuw.jpg  photo Short-red-hairstyles_zpsphe0pkrl.jpg
sz3rorevan117: Lucifer from Supernatural (Default)
Ya know... Whenever I stay up late I either get super excited about the random things I find on the interwebs or I end up spiraling downward into this abyss of despair in which is kinda hard to pull myself out of. I started my exciting journey finding all sorts of amazing Teen Wolf fanart on DA, some of which were undownloadable because they are a bunch of poops and don't want you to re-post in anywhere. -_- But I still have a bunch, there may be some where they said no but.... I don't read everything so whatever.

Anyhow, I am now in the depressive state where I feel life is going nowhere fast. I am pretty much fucking jobless. I was NOT put on the schedule this week, what fucking business does that!? I was going on 3.5-4 hour weeks and making $60 paychecks. So this paycheck will be about that but since I am not working this week my next paycheck will be a god damn $30 IF I work next week. This is all on an IF I work next week.

I have about $500 dollars in bills. I can't afford this shit anymore. My bf is covering most of them but he has two more weeks of college (semester) he works at the school and is not getting hours over the summer. So this means both of us will be fucked! So I literally have 2 god damn weeks to find a fucking job!!! (sorry about language, I feel I have a right though)

I don't know what to do. This has probably never happened. Normally one of us is making money.

[my cat distracted me, my thought process just got fucked]

Anyway, I am just upset at the situation and I wish... I wish, I could snap my fingers and fix it. Oh, not to mention my debt is so severe this isn't helping matters.

Whatever. I should sleep. My friend is coming over tomorrow and she's good at cheering me up, well my boyfriend is too but... he's asleep haha! I'll probably get some cuddles though when I crawl in bed next to his warm body. :P

Ok, sorry I am getting graphic now. *blush*
Night Ya'll
sz3rorevan117: Lucifer from Supernatural (Default)

VVVVV will have jumping links to content below for each fandom.
Teen Wolf
Teen Titans
Mass Effect
Star Wars

there is probably more... brain don't wanna think.. :P

[insert cut here lol]

*Teen Wolf*
Sterek - Stiles+Derek
Allydia - Allison+Lydia
Teen Wolf on Crack - Vids

journals to come

journals to come

*Teen Titans*
journals to come

journals to come

*Mass Effect*
journals to come

*Star Wars*
journals to come

journals to come

journals to come

This will severe edits when all finished. Links will be established and there will be blogs attached to links [duh] but whatevs. I wanted to make the master list so I had a outline to follow. I do things backwards. :P
sz3rorevan117: Lucifer from Supernatural (Default)
Today, I went to the doctor. I haven't been to my family doctor in a very long time. It's been years actually. I just got approved for Medicaid so I switched to a new doctor cause I didn't like my other one. This doctor is awesome he's very nice, the same doctor as my dad. Anyway, I just went because I had to for the process of becoming his patient.

Well, during that process we talked about my seizures and stuff like that. I figured while I was there I might as well bring up my other health concerns. One of them was my nose. It's been rather painful on and off for a year or more and this past winter it got really bad. It feels scabby and is always bloody. He looked inside and the result is and ulcer about the size of a quarter. I am being referred to a nose and ear doctor to get that treated.

The second health concern was my irregular periods. This has been going on for about a year and a half or more. I won't go into great detail with you on that as some people might find it gross or odd... men. Basically, I could go 4 months and nothing happens and one month I could get spotting. It's random, not to mention I have a nice blonde beard. -_- So I told him that and the first thing to spout out of his mouth was this... Polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS). I freaked out by the sound of this but when he said it instead of syndrome he said the dreaded word DISEASE!!!! Which of course makes everyone freak out even more.

Anyhow, for those of you who don't know what PCOS is Follow this Link ----> PCOS Explained

Hopefully ya'll read what was on the website via the provided link otherwise you may not understand why I am saying these things. So I made an appt. with my Gyno to get checked out and I really hope this not what I have. I still have some faith that his first reaction is wrong but doctors normally know best. I am just scared about being infertile and not having kids of my own. That would be terrible.

...........I think I will come back to this later. My bf got home we are going to watch R.I.P.D. he is amazing I love him. He keeps me happy. Best boyfriend every.

[ I never came back ]
sz3rorevan117: Lucifer from Supernatural (Default)
These are a compilation of videos that I have found from YouTube, most likely. Videos from there have a tendency to get taken down. So now you don't have to worry about it disappearing on you if you. :D There may be some repeat clips within videos but I am sure that is due to the differnt editors amongst YouTube. They are funny and quirky. I take no credit for these videos. The editors did a great job. Love 'em! I hope you enjoy them too.

Video 1

Video 2

Video 3

Video 4

Video 5

Video 6

Video 7
sz3rorevan117: Lucifer from Supernatural (Default)
This is will be edited with links added in but for now I am just posting this so I know what the hell I want on here. It is late and I need sleep. I just needed to get this up to some degree.
  • Graphics - links inside.... fandoms, wtf (strange), funny/cute
  • Games
  • Movies
  • FanFic
  • WTF?!

Notes: not sure if I want to categorize all things according to all fandoms like Teen Wolf, Sherlock, etc. or just according to what I have above and then have them in separate categories by fandom.


This is how I feel about writing this journal entry
 photo harrypotteruhhh_zpsd283520b.gif

This is how I feel about the damn bugs!
 photo smashit_zps50b02569.gif

fuck it... this is not gonna be the real master list. I got to frustrated with it. It's just some sort of ranty bullshit bug fest. UGh!

sz3rorevan117: Lucifer from Supernatural (Default)
Please vote this to the top. I am very upset that this is going on. They are in the stages of updating the website and they won't allow you to have private images and get the embeded/Html/BBCodes unless it is a public images. This I feel is a violation of my privacy. If I want to embed an images elsewhere I shouldn't have to make it public on their site. This goes against everything. I needed an image hosting site so I could post images to sites such as this one and some of which do have a bit of a naughty tone to them. I don't think Flickr needs to see that and I don't need people on that site flagging my stuff just to get them taken down, both there and here. So please vote if you have an account there. Thanks!!!!
sz3rorevan117: Lucifer from Supernatural (Default)
I created a DW to post all sorts of stuff but the main reason was to post the never ending amount of awesomeness I find on the interwebs and have no where to store except my hard drive. Now I am sure many of you have the same issue as I do and bog down your computer with useless love affairs with stuff that isn't important but can't let it go. So, That's what this has become. Unfortunately, I have created about 4 different sites just so I could actually post stuff here.

I now have a Photobucket so I can post the URLs in the code so I can put the images in my posts here (image hosting). It was hard trying to find a good site that would be suited well, I wanted something for Gifs. I guess Photobucket will have to do for now unless anyone has any better ideas. I used to use Tinypic[dot]com but every time I would convert the Gif into a url it would look all pixelated and crappy. I hated it. Still images from that site were perfect and you don't have to create an account.

Anyhow, I just hope I can get this site all nice and neat. Another reason why I was so frantic about finding an image hosting site that was good cause I noticed a lot of sites would purge your stuff or would just shut down entirely. I don't want that to happen to my stuff at all. I hope to get this all sorted out. I still have all my images and Gifs all on my computer until I get it figured out to my liking. If anyone has some idea or suggestions. Please comment.

Okay, I think I have talked enough for one night.
Thanks in advance if ya'll helped me out. :D
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